Prison Reform Gifts

'Three life sentences, but hey, you're trending on twitter...'

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

"The last thing you want to do while on the stand is pull a temper tantrum."

'I'm 364720181, but you can just call me 36.'

"I forget. Is this the punishment or the rehabilitation?"

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'Love the whole back-to-basics thing. I'll miss my freedom, but not the clutter.'

Jeremy Bentham

"Oh, he's quite a prosecutor, all right ? three of the jurors confessed."

Boy with policeman - "That's Kevin's new tagging device!"

'For you new prisoners here, the guards will only let us use bar graphs on all of our prison data projects...'

'When does the rehab begin?'

'Excuse me - any news of my rehabilitation programme?'

Skeptic Tank.

"Hey, you! Where is my money? What kind of for-profit prison is this, anyway?"

Prisoners complaining during an inspection

'I'd hate to be locked up with a bunch of strangers for months on end, wouldn't you?'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

"When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking"

'Ask the judge if we can put more than two inmates serving life plus 99 years into one cell!'

"I can't say I'm wild about these open prisons."

'What this place needs is some floral-print wallpaper.'

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

'A hunger strike seems quite excessive, guys. Could we go on a 'watching our figure' strike instead?'

"They ran out of straw so they're using mushroom compost."

'Just let it drip! -- One more sniff and I'll kick the living daylights out of you!'

'It doesn't feel like a Sunday today, does it?'

'Oh, sure -- now they lower the standards!'

'He must have everything in long-term investments.'

Hurry up Stan, the demonstration is about to start.

'I will tell her about us. I just don't think now's the right time.'

'Wake me up when they come and get me for my execution.'

Prison Celebrity Wing.

'Credit Crunch - wassat then?'