Price Challenger T-Shirts

"Have you compared our prices, Madam?"

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

Empty Calories Vending Machine.

Trickle down

'I may be an incurable optimist, but I think I can get a raise out of ol' J.P.'

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

Please seat to be weighted.

'Sorry...I don't do hugs!'

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

"Here's your problem."

'If we let this happen, soon we'll be swamped in chain stores.'

'I don't understand. Is our performance going up or down?'

'That dog's so greedy - it's only an hour since the last salesman called!'

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

Yeah, maybe replacing the clay pigeons with clay big game wasn't smart.

10 items or less

"What town are we in??"

Sometimes my willpower needs a little reminding. Stop looking at your phone.

Elderly couple bearing a sign: '...We take ages.'

'Just when I thought we might become competitive they launch this vertical integration strategy.'

Book barn: now with 50% less irony

'In accordance with company policy to explore alternative ideas...'

Supermarket Self Service Checkout

'Small business' begging to be let in 'Banks' maze to find a loan

'Sorry, I'm a stranger here myself.'

'When my phone broke, we stopped texting and started talking again. I couldn't get a new phone fast enough.'

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

Reading For Dummies.

"Fred's conversational level speaks volumes. When he's losing an argument, he raises the volume."

Cash Only QUIK SHOP: NO checks! NO credit! NO coupons! NO small talk!

Price check on (barcode)!

"We're trying to encourage some of the older staff to put their admin online."

"How am I supposed to remember what day it is when it changes every day?"