Pretend Executive Gifts

"No, I'm not really a CEO. I just like to keep up with the Joneses."

"He likes it."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'Great job at today's meeting, Dunwoody. You're finally discovering your own voice as a yes-man!'

'Our Board of Directors are really very fickle!'

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

Boy in toy car talking on phone.

He kept pretending he was going to work when he was just running errands.

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."

'Interesting. At first, I didn't pick her as dominant.' - Child chairs meeting at Toys Inc.

'I appreciate recognition...but pats on the head are demeaning.'

"I just figured she was holding all my calls. Turns out she's been running the company."

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

Cat Boss

"We're making progress."

"Thursday makes it ten years. What do you say we renew our merger vows."

"I've gotten plenty of table scraps but no one has ever given me money under the table."

"You must understand that my total confidence in this plan of yours depends strongly on one's definition of the words 'total' and 'confidence'."

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

"Profits must be down."

'We'll wait until the ex-ceo's cigar smoke clears before beginning.'

'I'm just finishing denying the rumors of our impending bankruptcy to the press. Got those bankruptcy papers ready?'

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

'...and that's when I inherited the company. How about you? Who died and made you boss?'

"Not only is it not in speed dial, I don't even know Lee Iacocca's phone number."

'Well, Higgins, today it's on you to do the most dangerous job here. You've got to feed the board of directors!'

"It's lonely at the top, but don't you love the solitude."

"Damn it, Bershire, I've told you to never call me when I'm in my executive ball pit!"

Man at important looking desk lined with quill pens gets ready to shoot one at a dartboard on his wall.

"Our founder was a real joker. That's the first silver dollar he ever glued to the floor."

"Now, do any of you other yes-men have a 'yes, but' you'd like to get off your chest?"

'I view it as part of the persona of being a middleman.'

'I've never seen anyone move so freely between the business world and the spirit world.'

CEO (Out to lunch).

"I'm sorry - Mr. Streetwise is never in."