Pressure Ponderer Gifts

'My research cover two fields: the behavior of matter under high pressure, and the behavior of scientists under high pressure.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Happy thoughts

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

Idle parts

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

"Leave it you guys! We have this EVERY-SINGLE-TIME we go anywhere!!"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"I appreciate you have a real passion for music Mr Hibberd. . . but I can see you're going to struggle with the piano."

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"Woah - random!"

Bumper Limos

Fracking Zone - Be prepared for anything.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

The Old Dun Cow - Bitter & twisted.

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

The Loneliness of Power

A man about to plug in a lamp looks at electric sockets on the wall that say 'Solar,' 'Hydro Electric' and 'Nuclear.'

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"I knew it was unnatural to jump that high out of water."

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"Well, you've fianlly done it! No more rainforest left!"

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'