Pressure Ponderer Gifts

'My research cover two fields: the behavior of matter under high pressure, and the behavior of scientists under high pressure.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Happy thoughts

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

Idle parts

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"Leave it you guys! We have this EVERY-SINGLE-TIME we go anywhere!!"

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"Woah - random!"

Bumper Limos

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"I appreciate you have a real passion for music Mr Hibberd. . . but I can see you're going to struggle with the piano."

Fracking Zone - Be prepared for anything.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

The Old Dun Cow - Bitter & twisted.

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

The Loneliness of Power

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

A man about to plug in a lamp looks at electric sockets on the wall that say 'Solar,' 'Hydro Electric' and 'Nuclear.'

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

Sensitivity Training For Bulls.

"I knew it was unnatural to jump that high out of water."

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"Well, you've fianlly done it! No more rainforest left!"

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'