Press Operator Gifts

An old-fashioned printer using an Albion press.

Printers

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Working in the Hazard Zone!

If nobody had invented graphics

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

Local News in Heaven

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Newspaper suicide.

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

Police film evidence

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Free press.

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

Freedom of the Press

"Come to think of it, I can't think of the last time I saw a monarch around here."

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

Time Clock

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

"In this scene, imagine you're sentient and know what feelings are."

A fly on the wall documentary.

"I've finished the press statement about the kraken."

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."