Presenters Gifts

"Feel free to use it. It's an emergency escape hatch if you say something controversial."

'That's one example, but let's move on. I've allocated time for questions at the end of the presentation.'

"Accepting for..."

'And now, Mr. X will present our hidden agenda.'

"Then, unfortunately, our market launch ran into a brick wall."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Showbiz Awards

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

"Any questions?"

Lethal Presentation

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"