Presentation Survivor Gifts

'And in conclusion.'

'The words ‘in conclusion' always generate profound appreciation when Fred makes a presentation.'

"Today's training will be mainly about how to pretend to stay awake and interested while watching a really dull presentation."

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'And that pretty much sums it up.'

"I can honestly say I feel really refreshed after that presentation. I slept all the way through it!"

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

Why they're called 'bullet points'.

Bored Meeting

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

Desert Island BBQ

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

Evil Exams!

"I feel your pain."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"Wow - you say you're a workaholic, but your office says it's time for your vacation!"

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'