Presentation Aficionado T-Shirts

"I've no idea what he said...but he's so darned cute."

Health and safety accidents.

"Hold your questions until I've talked so long no one knows or cares what you're asking about."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

Keeping all the balls in the air - skills

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

"Someday, these will be installed in every home and business that wants to seem artsy."

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

Hanging off every word...

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

Presentation skills.

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

Corporate Whore.

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

Presentation Skills: 1. Be Prepared.

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."