Prepper Pragmatist Gifts

Survivalists' supplies: The customer's always right wing.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Drive-thru Church

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

Prepper Dog

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'The tests are pretty conclusive, Mrs. Kane. It's going to be a brat.'

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

Put it in writing!

"It would be unwise to attend an interview without doing any preparation in advance.

'You don't have much of a work history, do you, Mr. Laren?'

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

"Take one of these every 4 hours for the side effects from your prescription."

Safe harbour

". . .And are you a good listener?"

"So, let me get this right. All the job involves is running around a track as fast as I can?"

"You say your biggest faults are working too hard and blind loyalty to your employer. What do you take me for… An idiot?"

Hazardous Wastes R Us.

"Being unable to clearly articulate responses to questions, is a common interview mistake. . ."

'I see by your resume that you're full of it.'

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"

'I want to be ready when the sea level rises!'

'I'd chalk it up to just another crazy backyard hobby...'

"So, where do you see yourself in ten minutes?"

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy"

'I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about him I really like!'

"Well, that's the last of it, which means we just ate thirty years' worth of food in two weeks."

'You bring an impressive array of bundled services to the table.'

"Your resume looks good, but I am a little concerned that it seems to have been recently folded into a paper airplane."