Preparedness Gifts

"Honestly, Harry, I'll never tease you again for carrying around that elephant gun!"

Saving up for a rainy day.

We'll see who's laughing when this is all water.

What can I get you, Mrs. Cohen? Two dozen cans of tuna, 15 bottled waters and a flashlight. Inflatable raft. Hurricane season beings again. I'll need a helipad delivered to my lawn.

And so, guided by Rudy's new iPocalypse app that uses GPS technology and Google's extensive database, Rudy has finally identified the looming disaster. Bee-bee-beep. You have arrived at your fate. Slurp. Hi. Aaaaahhh!!!

The Survivalists' Club. Walk right in with your hands up.

"I'll stick to my survivalist bunker."

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

"Bernard's always prepared for asteroids"

Worst Case Scenario in a winter storm situation...

'Flashlight, batteries, dry matches, cash, canned goods, bottled water…'

Man takes umbrella out of scabbard.

'Buy a spare pair of wellies...'

In case of fire call yourself.

"Don't you think you're taking this shelter-in-place thing a little too far?!"

"You can have my disinfectant when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!"

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Emergency Phone.

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

IRMA Hurricane Recovery in Cuba

Emergency exit into Space

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"I can see our house from here."

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

Prepper Dog

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

Small Government Is Here