Prenup Pragmatist Gifts

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Drive-thru Church

"She signed a prenup promising not to eat me and then ate the lawyer."

"I can only give you country walks in springtime and a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall. It's in the prenuptial agreement. Check it out."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'The tests are pretty conclusive, Mrs. Kane. It's going to be a brat.'

'So who gets the apple tree and who gets the fig leaves?' 'The First Prenuptial Agreement.'

'Now that looks like a guy I could go through a prenup process with.'

Put it in writing!

"What would I suggest for a woman who has everything...a prenup!"

"Do you realize that by signing this you're entitled to nothing my client has accumulated before he met you?" "Yes."

'See, it's right here in the prenup. Just because I rise, it doesn't necessarily mean I have to shine.'

Hazardous Wastes R Us.

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

'Marry me, Linda. Two can live more cheaply than one.'

'Doctor, I just can't seem to relate to my prenup anymore.'

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"

"Do you have anything that declares my undying love, but with a six month get out clause if it doesn't work out!"

"It's our first anniversary, so I've written up your performance review...."

"Darling, how wonderful ...a prenup!"

'There was no nasty surprise: The prenuptial agreement my wife made me sign clearly stated I would take care of the kids...'

"I lined it up with our prenup."

'My lab partner wants a prenuptial agreement!'

'I'm having a hard-time unwinding during the prenup process.'

Why did you think the prenup lawyer gave me such a good deal?

'Do I have to fetch the newspaper? -- Peter Hitchens always leaves a bad taste in my mouth!'

"You propose to me and now you want me to sign a prenup!?"

Survivalists' supplies: The customer's always right wing.

The tunnel of ulterior motives

"I'm looking for a card that says 'You're one step closer to the grave', but in a humorous way."

'Should we exchange stock portfolios before deciding who pays for the prenup lawyer?'

Adverse Prenup

"I think it's time we moved in together...the bank has repossessed my flat."

Sure he's got a good reputation, but he'd clash with most of my outfits.'