Prenatal Testing Pillows

"We can determine your child's gender, IQ and student debt load."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Pregnant women having a ultrasound done.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

"Congratulations. The ultrasound shows the baby is healthy, a boy and already knows more about technology than you."

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"Oooh! I think I just felt our stock split."

Smartphone Sonogram

"This could be quite boring. No club jumper, no theme song and no pie nights!"

'Here's one I made earlier!'

Birthing Ball

"All this stuff? I'm meeting for two now."

'It Kicked!' - 'Punt, Drop or Tad?'

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"Congratulations! It's centuplets!"

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'