Premiere Gifts

"I wasn't kidding when I said my first movie, Aztec Warriors of the Moon, made a mint -- here it is."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"Bravo!"

"My God!! - Those actors must all be really old by now...!"

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Star Wars Audience

"A glimpse into a cartoon character's dressing room..."

'Hello, I'm your understudy.'

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

Sumo Love.

Ruff

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.

Computer wheeled down red carpet at film premiere. TV presenter says: 'Now, at last, here comes the real star of the movie!'

Chekov play and scorecard,

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

Welsh Dragon

Barbie Oscars

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

Daniel Day Lewis

"Chills, Randy. I feel chills. And I can't move." "And I can't remember the last time my palms were this sweaty." "This must've been what people felt like when they heard the Allies were finally invading Normandy on D-Day." "No way any movie can live up to this hype." "Wolverine day is almost upon us." "We are about to embark upon the great crusade..."

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

A Scene From 'Henry V'.

"As your first novel, it starts out badly and just falls away!"

'They're not tears. It's water displacement from the bath scene.'

"Hawaii Five-O" is back? Yeah, but they should call it "Hawaii Version Two Point-0."

The Scream at the movie theater.

Knowing your audience

"I can't believe my first published short story is about me."

Pre Opera Dinners

'President Obama is talking up his healthcare plan on just about every show on television...'

'This is only the weather forecast- 'Strictly Come Dancing' is on in ten minutes!'

"Don't be long, Dear, you don't want to miss Celebrity Hari Kari on TV."