Predictable Plot Hater Gifts

'Oh man, every time.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

"I don't mind car chases as long as they're car chases about something."

“I’ve got an idea for a story: Gus and Ethel live on Long Island, on the North Shore. He works sixteen hours a day writing fiction. Ethel never goes out, never does anything except fix Gus sandwiches and in the end she becomes a nympho-lesbo-killer-whore. Here’s your sandwich”

'I've got'em right where I want'em.'

10 commandments

Writer's Block Next 10 Miles

'I like the plot, but are all those nude scenes really necessary?'

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

"We need a plot twist."

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

He Didn't Know How To Appreciate Nature

"It's a novel about loss, and redemption, and fantastic sex."

"This gentleman would like a refund. He claims the plot broke down halfway through!"

Ghost Porn

"What can I get you?" "An explanation for that dumb reason why Batman and Superman stopped fighting at the end of Batman v Superman." "Would you like that spoiler-filled or spoiler-free?" "Spoiler-filled would be lovely, please." "Ok. Batman did not stop fighting Superman just because both of their moms were named 'Martha.'" "'Martha' was not just a person. In Batman’s nightmares, 'Martha' had come to represent all that was good about him." "When Superman whispered 'Martha,' it did t

"No, I don't mind if you peek,' said the mystery writer to the next victim.

Mid-list Author Magazine

'Well, he gave me treats, patted me, played with me: How was I supposed to know he was a burglar?'

'I like the lust,greed and sex - it's just the integrity that bothers me.'

"He was okay with the spell check but he gets mad when it starts to correct the arc of his narrative development!"

"We’re going to have to be very discreet. We don’t travel together, and we don’t dine together."

"We need to spice up the company blog to get more views. . . We'll need you to have a torrid affair with Mrs Widlington."

"And to think we started as a book club."

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

"The streaming channel found my script illogical, primitive and bursting with sex and violence... they paid me 10 million for the movie rights!"

Weather soaps

"For some plays, the second act is best left shrouded in mystery."

'The scruffy gits Fawkes.'

"Don't worry about digging under the chicken coop fence: I have a bolt-cutter..."