Whispered Plot Aficionado Gifts

"We’re going to have to be very discreet. We don’t travel together, and we don’t dine together."

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

Subway Thrillers

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

"In the hat! In the hat!"

"The problem is there's no engine. Just a mysterious plot device."

'I've got'em right where I want'em.'

"After several chapters of pushing a boulder up a hill over and over again, I think your average reader will watn to see something else happen, Mr. Sisyphus."

'Don't you ever get tired of all the whispering?'

10 commandments

"I don't mind car chases as long as they're car chases about something."

“I’ve got an idea for a story: Gus and Ethel live on Long Island, on the North Shore. He works sixteen hours a day writing fiction. Ethel never goes out, never does anything except fix Gus sandwiches and in the end she becomes a nympho-lesbo-killer-whore. Here’s your sandwich”

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

"We need a plot twist."

"Better than Chekhov"

'Gosh, he looks so peaceful lying there, I almost hate to wake him up and put him in the oven.'

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

He Didn't Know How To Appreciate Nature

"It's a novel about loss, and redemption, and fantastic sex."

Galoots in cahoots

Robot Bombs: A One Time Thing, Right?

I've decided to become a mystery writer. "Dark clouds filled the horizon as two young lovers walked along the shore. As if sensing something was about to happen, seabirds cautiously circled around the couple. Suddenly and without warning, the young man reached inside his jacket and pulled out a large bag of pretzels and began to feed the birds." I'm very proud of that opening. The story has just started and it's already filled with twists and terns.

Cinema. I won't tell you what happens, but there's a great twist at the end.

Ghost Porn

Mid-list Author Magazine

"No, I don't mind if you peek,' said the mystery writer to the next victim.

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

'We find the defendant guilty, but feel his alibi would make a good premise for a John Grisham book.'

"We need to spice up the company blog to get more views. . . We'll need you to have a torrid affair with Mrs Widlington."

"These things work better if you don't explain the plot."

'I like the lust,greed and sex - it's just the integrity that bothers me.'