Precedent Protector Gifts

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

"People were steal his ideas"

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'Anti-Graffito' worker about to erase hieroglyphics.

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

'Closing the letter with 'Very fondly yours' seems okay but let's run it by legal, to be sure it cannot be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.'

"Well, we can kiss being free-range goodbye."

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

'I know you love her and want to protect her. But it's wrong to laminate her.'

"I think the scientists want us to realize our world is warming and do something before future generations can't live here anymore, but it's tough to focus when cheese is so good."

Polio - The Comeback Kid

'I believe you're thinking of leaving us, Brother?'

'Have you found a precedent? Yes, you did the same crime in 1974.'

'Daddy says, 'Better drowned than duffers if not duffers won't drown'. Well, let's just hope social services don't hear about this.'

"I don't want you swimming in the ocean -- it's a toilet that hasn't been flushed in 4 billion years."

"I'm not taking any chances."

"Dang!"

Notre Dame Fire

"My father would never let me marry a boy with a combover."

"We must gut these environmental laws!"

'If you want to see your friends at the dairy, you're gonna have to go through me!'

"On the bright side...at least y'all don't have to wear those dadgum masks."

"Have they no shame?"

Intellectual Property Thief

"You're onto something very big. Don't let the company get its hands on it."

AIDS prevention

"Whoa now, hold on hold on! I just wanted to read that sign there. I couldn't see it from the road."

Reselling for Fun and Profit

Hands off my IP!

"One day my son all of this will be yours."

'Only twelve tribes and they've already lost TEN of them?'

Horror Movies are bad for kids. . . and what about psychological terror?

'One day, this will be all yours to atone.'

Protecting Historic Landmarks

Farmer with a Staff Wanted sign.