Posture Police Gifts

Computer neck.

'Do you have to slump infront of the tele?'

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

Police Feline Unit

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'Come out with your fins up!'

"Say 'eh.'"

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

Office Ergonomics.

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"It's just a hunch, but you spend a lot time at your computer, don't you?"

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

Penguin identity parade

The Adventures of Grammar Man

John was always the first to notice typos.

'Just think Nigel, if you weren't wearing grey socks and sandals this could be romantic.'

No Skateboard. No Slouching.

"I don't like it - he used a spell checker!"

"Cut. Cut. You call this a crime scene?"

"I realise that you're trying to impress your new employers on your first day, dear. But, this is our car!"

Office Ergonomics.

'My chiropractor said that since I had the twins my posture has improved.'

It's amazing how people slow down when you point a hair dryer at them.

'Hold it, Charlie - I think he's ready to cooperate now.'

"Honey, did you have to bring the whole squad to our elopement?"