Posthumous Humor Gifts

'I'm writing a sequel to my autobiography.'

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

"You run into a window, too?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

I know they told me not to bark

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

Dead Man's Handel

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

Special Place in Hell...

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"I'll have whatever they're having."

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

Fisherman Funneral

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

'I think he would have been pleased to know that I got his entire record breaking bungee jump on video.'

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."

O'Leary's Monuments

I'm afraid of heights.

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

'Why is he always hanging around?'