Portion Size Analyst T-Shirts

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

All-Day Breakfast

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"They should have quit after deep dish."

"Now I wish we hadn't ordered all those appetizers."

"I'm here to warn you, do not eat both slices of cake – you're going to want one tomorrow."

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'How would you like your steak, sir?' - 'Big.'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

Fruits and vegetables

I find that I can cut back on calories if I use only one chopstick.

"I'm Roberto, and I'll be your waiter this evening. This is Carl. He's in charge of portion control."

I told you we should have split a meal.

Go large or go home!

'I'll pay double for half as much.'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'

"I'm glad you enjoyed your meal, Sir. Did you save some room for shame?"

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

"Who had the Lumberjack fruit cup?"

"It is way too much food. That's why we charge way too much money."

"I don't know why I put weight on, I hardly eat enough to keep a sparrow alive."

Birthday Cakes for Dieters...

Actually, it's healthier to eat smaller meals more often throughout the day.

"It's only 5 calories a serving...but a serving is a crumb."

'The food is disgusting.' 'And such small portions.'

Brownie Size/Okay to Eat

"It's not just compared to the table, damn it. This is a small portion."

'What do you mean, microbiotic?' 'Very small portions.'

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'