Portion Ponderer T-Shirts

"How did I find my steak? Well I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

'Dunno. It lacks something.'

Fruits and vegetables

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Happy thoughts

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

"Leave it you guys! We have this EVERY-SINGLE-TIME we go anywhere!!"

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

"Sure, but what have you invented lately?"

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Have you seen my money?

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

"Woah - random!"

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

'Though we must innovate, and though we must grow, we must never lose sight of our core mediocrities.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

Dorothy finds the Yellow brick road is now a 6-lane expressway.

The Old Dun Cow - Bitter & twisted.

'We could use more moving and shaking from you, Yomp, and less bobbing and weaving.'

Optimist, Pessimist, Surrealist.

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

The mysterious world of ligand substitution

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."