Portfolio Prospector T-Shirts

'You'll like him. He's very optimistic - he believes that money can make you happy.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'The good news is we've discovered a vast new oil resource. The bad news is we need a space ship to get there.'

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'There are only three things that matter in this world, son... bottom line...'

"Right now I'm mostly in cash."

You are here

'Before we found you, we were just squeaking by.'

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

'We're getting closer - That's a goldfish.'

Investor alternates between hating and loving gold, depending on the stock market's performance.

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

"I asked you to send me over a prospectus!"

Have you seen my money?

'Ask me about my portfolio.'

"Trepanning for gold"

"For five starts it's worth the trip."

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

"You've got termites."

'That's the trouble with theae Chinese stocks -- an hour later you want to invest again.'

"Yes, but the trouble is he always wears that mysterious smile."

"I'm sleeping in today. I got in late from last night's orgy."

Buy on the dip, ignore the blip, and sell before the bubble bursts.

"I'm trying to find a new element."

'Before we get started, I would like to thank our stockholder for coming tonight...'

"I'm adding some safe-haven assets to your portfolio...gold and Ozempic."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

Common stock, Preferred stock, Private stock.

'You need to alter your portfolio allocation. Right now it's 25% stocks, 15% bonds and 60% margin loans.'

"We at U.T.M. Investments specialize in conservative investments. After all, our initials stand for 'Under The Mattress.' "

Wall Street walking traffic sign flashes 'Worry' and 'Don't Worry.'

'Talk about advanced technology! It even has a beer holder!'