Portfolio Hugger Gifts

Have you hugged your money today?

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'Before we found you, we were just squeaking by.'

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

Investor alternates between hating and loving gold, depending on the stock market's performance.

The stock market sky is falling.

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

Have you seen my money?

'Those? Oh, they're nothing serious, they're just rumor trembles.'

A tuba and love hearts

First Little Piggy Investment Associates

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'Are you looking for something in light blue, or dark blue, chips?'

'Sorry, but I won't discuss my financial portfolio on a first date.'

'Before we get started, I would like to thank our stockholder for coming tonight...'

"I'm adding some safe-haven assets to your portfolio...gold and Ozempic."

"I've been too busy investing my enormous salary to be bothered running the company."

'Every time I break one of my investment rules, I put $10 in the mistake jar. As of today, it's worth more than my portfolio.'

Buy on the dip, ignore the blip, and sell before the bubble bursts.

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."

'You need to alter your portfolio allocation. Right now it's 25% stocks, 15% bonds and 60% margin loans.'

Common stock, Preferred stock, Private stock.

"We at U.T.M. Investments specialize in conservative investments. After all, our initials stand for 'Under The Mattress.' "

Wall Street walking traffic sign flashes 'Worry' and 'Don't Worry.'

'Your investments aren't under performing, they're just appreciation challenged.'

'I did well while good news was bad news. Then good news became good news--and that was bad news.'

'Ms. Booth, your portfolio is full of sound and fury signifying zero returns.'

'A few rules for new investors: First never say 'kaching' until the market is up...'