Portable Plotter T-Shirts

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

Oceanographer

"I'm super excited about this fabulous opportunity to improve!"

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

Christmas escape plan

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

"Well, my pension was tied up in the cruise liner industry."

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

All Eggs in One Basket world headquarters

CIA, 'I'm suspended for three months? Great! -- it'll give me time to work on my book!'

'This doesn't look good -- the masses are huddling.'

'Spinach: The Prequel'

"It's a lot easier to throw someone under the bus when you have the app."

'Frankly, your investment portfolio dropping 42 isn't quite the mystery plot we're looking for.'

"I set your phone to remind you every 5 minutes of what I want for Christmas. It's annoying, but effective."

"Ding dong ditch is fun, but it's better to watch their reactions when you pretend to be soliciting."

I have an idea for a new internet startup. What is it? I can't tell you. Someone may overhear. It's such a good idea, someone's bound to steal it if I tell even a single soul You're supposed to beg to hear it. You're not begging. You had your chance.

'Aye, he'll come up a treat next spring.'

'Choosing between the two of you has not been easy...'

'In some states, this would be a felony.'

'Shhh. He's just playin' dead. Thinks he can survive the Flush.'

"I built this scale model of town to plan out our bank robbery. I added the volcano for dramatic effect."

'You know the rules... Any news of the death of a relative to be on my desk by 5pm on the day before the match.'