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Christmas escape plan

"I set your phone to remind you every 5 minutes of what I want for Christmas. It's annoying, but effective."

Santa Claus's Mail

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'My secret? Stay away from Halloween candy.'

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

North Pole twinned with Amazon

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

Pinata good bags.

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

Because of bad weather and lots of people moving slowly on the path, it took forever to get here! Everybody was picking up a pumpkin on Wednesday. There was a huge crowd and long lines at the pumpkin patch. My brother and I can't be seated together today. We'd argue and disagree about who should run the village council. After this huge meal nobody's gonna want to stick around and clean up this mess! If they're still having this celebration centuries from now, I'm sure they'll have worked i

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

"Wow, the literary life is exhausting! Just when I finish 'What I Did On My Summer Vacation,' I need to begin my 'What I Want For Christmas' list!"

Birthday Painting

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

"Good Christmas?"

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

'What are you doing here? It's only November.'

"People seem to be saying, Christmas is early, much earlier than they did last year."

Halloween next exit. . . Thanksgiving, 27 days. . . Christmas, 54 days.

'... and last, but not least, a big Christmas bonus for Daddy to make sure I get what I want.'

"Oh my, I've really fallen behind on the paperwork."

"Well, my pension was tied up in the cruise liner industry."

"The holiday season always puts me in the mood to plan a tropical vacation."

'This doesn't look good -- the masses are huddling.'

'Some country that doesn't have Thanksgiving!'

"It's a lot easier to throw someone under the bus when you have the app."