Festive Plotter Gifts

Christmas escape plan

"I set your phone to remind you every 5 minutes of what I want for Christmas. It's annoying, but effective."

Santa Claus's Mail

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

North Pole twinned with Amazon

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

"Wow, the literary life is exhausting! Just when I finish 'What I Did On My Summer Vacation,' I need to begin my 'What I Want For Christmas' list!"

Birthday Painting

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

'What are you doing here? It's only November.'

"People seem to be saying, Christmas is early, much earlier than they did last year."

Halloween next exit. . . Thanksgiving, 27 days. . . Christmas, 54 days.

"Oh my, I've really fallen behind on the paperwork."

"Well, my pension was tied up in the cruise liner industry."

'This doesn't look good -- the masses are huddling.'

'... and last, but not least, a big Christmas bonus for Daddy to make sure I get what I want.'

"The holiday season always puts me in the mood to plan a tropical vacation."

'Some country that doesn't have Thanksgiving!'

'We're not buying a turkey for Xmas this year. We've still got some left over from last year.'

'Remember when Christmas came after hallowe'en?'