Garden Plotter Gifts

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

'Aye, he'll come up a treat next spring.'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

Christmas escape plan

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

"Well, my pension was tied up in the cruise liner industry."

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

All Eggs in One Basket world headquarters

CIA, 'I'm suspended for three months? Great! -- it'll give me time to work on my book!'

Finally - a software package that makes it snap to write that novel.

I'm not avoiding you!

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

'Spinach: The Prequel'

"It's a lot easier to throw someone under the bus when you have the app."

'It's Gardner's Question Time for you.'

"Ding dong ditch is fun, but it's better to watch their reactions when you pretend to be soliciting."

"I set your phone to remind you every 5 minutes of what I want for Christmas. It's annoying, but effective."

'Frankly, your investment portfolio dropping 42 isn't quite the mystery plot we're looking for.'

'Have you lost the plot?'

'Shhh. He's just playin' dead. Thinks he can survive the Flush.'

'You're very lucky to get an allotment, of course. Mine here's been a godsend since the downturn.'

"I built this scale model of town to plan out our bank robbery. I added the volcano for dramatic effect."

'You know the rules... Any news of the death of a relative to be on my desk by 5pm on the day before the match.'