Plant Plotter Gifts

'Spinach: The Prequel'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

House plants

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

Farmer planting the next crop of PC's.

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

Christmas escape plan

Dun Decking

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

A Gardener's Calendar: January - This is the most convenient time to work out your plans for the year.

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

"Well, my pension was tied up in the cruise liner industry."

Finally - a software package that makes it snap to write that novel.

"It's a lot easier to throw someone under the bus when you have the app."

"Virtual gardener."

"You forgot to record what you planted, didn't you?"

"I set your phone to remind you every 5 minutes of what I want for Christmas. It's annoying, but effective."

"Ding dong ditch is fun, but it's better to watch their reactions when you pretend to be soliciting."

I have an idea for a new internet startup. What is it? I can't tell you. Someone may overhear. It's such a good idea, someone's bound to steal it if I tell even a single soul You're supposed to beg to hear it. You're not begging. You had your chance.

'Aye, he'll come up a treat next spring.'

'Have you lost the plot?'

'Let's face it Frank, you just don't have a green thumb.'

'Shhh. He's just playin' dead. Thinks he can survive the Flush.'

"I think this calls for a number 3 rake."

Farmers and new technologies

'You're very lucky to get an allotment, of course. Mine here's been a godsend since the downturn.'

'You know the rules... Any news of the death of a relative to be on my desk by 5pm on the day before the match.'