Office Plotter T-Shirts

'You know the rules... Any news of the death of a relative to be on my desk by 5pm on the day before the match.'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

Oceanographer

"I'm super excited about this fabulous opportunity to improve!"

Christmas escape plan

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

"Well, my pension was tied up in the cruise liner industry."

All Eggs in One Basket world headquarters

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

'This doesn't look good -- the masses are huddling.'

Finally - a software package that makes it snap to write that novel.

"It's a lot easier to throw someone under the bus when you have the app."

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

'Spinach: The Prequel'

'I just can't figure it out.'

'Frankly, your investment portfolio dropping 42 isn't quite the mystery plot we're looking for.'

"I set your phone to remind you every 5 minutes of what I want for Christmas. It's annoying, but effective."

"Ding dong ditch is fun, but it's better to watch their reactions when you pretend to be soliciting."

I have an idea for a new internet startup. What is it? I can't tell you. Someone may overhear. It's such a good idea, someone's bound to steal it if I tell even a single soul You're supposed to beg to hear it. You're not begging. You had your chance.

'Aye, he'll come up a treat next spring.'

'Choosing between the two of you has not been easy...'

'Have you lost the plot?'

'In some states, this would be a felony.'

'Shhh. He's just playin' dead. Thinks he can survive the Flush.'

"I built this scale model of town to plan out our bank robbery. I added the volcano for dramatic effect."