Pension Plotter T-Shirts

"Well, my pension was tied up in the cruise liner industry."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

Oceanographer

"I'm super excited about this fabulous opportunity to improve!"

Christmas escape plan

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

All Eggs in One Basket world headquarters

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

Finally - a software package that makes it snap to write that novel.

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

'Spinach: The Prequel'

'...And after the superpowers have knocked each other out, WE take over!'

"Ding dong ditch is fun, but it's better to watch their reactions when you pretend to be soliciting."

"I set your phone to remind you every 5 minutes of what I want for Christmas. It's annoying, but effective."

'Frankly, your investment portfolio dropping 42 isn't quite the mystery plot we're looking for.'

I have an idea for a new internet startup. What is it? I can't tell you. Someone may overhear. It's such a good idea, someone's bound to steal it if I tell even a single soul You're supposed to beg to hear it. You're not begging. You had your chance.

'Aye, he'll come up a treat next spring.'

'Choosing between the two of you has not been easy...'

Let's see - what kind of war should we have now?

'Have you lost the plot?'

'Shhh. He's just playin' dead. Thinks he can survive the Flush.'

'In some states, this would be a felony.'

"I built this scale model of town to plan out our bank robbery. I added the volcano for dramatic effect."

'You know the rules... Any news of the death of a relative to be on my desk by 5pm on the day before the match.'