Polling Gifts

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

Everyone but you has dumb opinions.

"I'm not trying to sell you anything, sir. I'm doing market research, and all I ask is two or three hours of your time to answer a few thousand questions."

'Our next question: is the world a safer place than it was a year ago?'

On - Undecided - Off switch

I'm pathetic, uninformed and don't give a damn. Do you still want to continue with the poll?

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

'Is that your final answer?'

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

"We've gotten the poll results. We've crunched the numbers. We've adjusted for margin of error. He's got to shoot more ducks."

Radomly selected poll respondent

"I'm from Walker's incredibly cheap polling service with a possible error of plus or minus 100%."

'...But you have 75% approval among illiterates!'

"Yes, I know I've already asked you these questions. But, if I don't poll five people an hour, I could lose my job!"

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

Hello, is the head couch potato at home?

Margaret took to market research work like a natural.

'According to yesterday's poll, 46% of people support having rain tomorrow while 36% are against. 24% are undecided.'

Men's, women's and undecided toilets in the office of an opinion poll company.

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

'I'm taking a north poll.'

If an election was held next week, which opinion would you vote for?

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

LIBERAL MEDIA POLLS, 'Do you think President Obama is doing a great job, a wonderful job, or an absolutely terrific job?'

'It's your job performance index.'

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

An informed voter is a good voter

The Russian Election.