Polling Gifts

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

Everyone but you has dumb opinions.

"I'm not trying to sell you anything, sir. I'm doing market research, and all I ask is two or three hours of your time to answer a few thousand questions."

'Our next question: is the world a safer place than it was a year ago?'

On - Undecided - Off switch

I'm pathetic, uninformed and don't give a damn. Do you still want to continue with the poll?

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

'Is that your final answer?'

Tadpole Swimming Lessons.

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

Put us down as decidedly and definitely more positive than "maybe" but probably something not quite so strong as "perhaps."

"We've gotten the poll results. We've crunched the numbers. We've adjusted for margin of error. He's got to shoot more ducks."

Mori, Ipsos, Gallup, just nosey

Radomly selected poll respondent

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

"I'm from Walker's incredibly cheap polling service with a possible error of plus or minus 100%."

'...But you have 75% approval among illiterates!'

"Yes, I know I've already asked you these questions. But, if I don't poll five people an hour, I could lose my job!"

Are you certainly likely, very likely, likely, somewhat likely, somewhat unlikely, unlikely, very unlikely or certainly not likely to take an overly specific survey.

'Do you think the country was better off under Leno and Letterman, or under Fallon and Colbert?'

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

Hello, is the head couch potato at home?

Margaret took to market research work like a natural.

'According to yesterday's poll, 46% of people support having rain tomorrow while 36% are against. 24% are undecided.'

Men's, women's and undecided toilets in the office of an opinion poll company.

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

'I'm taking a north poll.'

If an election was held next week, which opinion would you vote for?

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

LIBERAL MEDIA POLLS, 'Do you think President Obama is doing a great job, a wonderful job, or an absolutely terrific job?'

'It's your job performance index.'

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

They're Not Just That Into It