Political Polling Gifts

"And don't waste your time canvassing the whole building, young man. We think alike."

"It's a seasonal thing....Like the first gritters of the winter and the first cuckoo of spring!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

Poll Dancing

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

"Would you like your MP not to stand at the next election?"

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

Radomly selected poll respondent

On - Undecided - Off switch

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

'Our poll shows the typical voter is all polled out.'

Dropping Popularity of Obama.

"The latest poll numbers must be out."

LIBERAL MEDIA POLLS, 'Do you think President Obama is doing a great job, a wonderful job, or an absolutely terrific job?'

"I am in a buying mood, but I still can't afford to buy anything."

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

'And according to a new poll, baseball and apple pie have now been replaced by facebook and taco bell.'

"I'm undecided, but that doesn't mean I'm apathetic or uninformed."

'Our next question: is the world a safer place than it was a year ago?'

"Your poll results on't look good. You're trailing 'statistically insignificant'."

"But, what if we're attacked in the press?"

'I'm taking a north poll.'

Climate Change is Real