Political Pollster Gifts

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Mo! Political pollsters.

"I'm undecided, but that doesn't mean I'm apathetic or uninformed."

"Would you like your MP not to stand at the next election?"

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

POLLS, 'You're a registered Republican? -- Is that because you hate women, or because you hate African-Americans?'

"I don't care if you are a political pollster, when it comes to your income we don't allow a margin of error of 4%."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"Do you think the 'Taliban' is: (a) a cellphone company; (b) a deodorant (c) a terrorist company

King Solomon's Pollster.

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

"If I vote my conscience, it's Sanders. If I vote my pocketbook, it's Trump. If I vote my emotions, it's Hillary. If I vote my anger, it's Cruz..."

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

Pollster

Elections in the USA

Desk of Public Opinion Polls has 'In' box 'Out' box and 'Undecided'.

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

The US election is over.

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

'I know I was just here yesterday, but the courts ordered a recount.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.