Opinion Pollster Gifts

'Do you find my opinions: a) well informed? b) insightful? c) ...?'

"We have a love-hate relationship with politicians, when they're alive, we say 'lock em up'. When they die, we revere them."

"I don't trump anyone who isn't wearing a mask."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"Do you think the 'Taliban' is: (a) a cellphone company; (b) a deodorant (c) a terrorist company

King Solomon's Pollster.

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

"If I vote my conscience, it's Sanders. If I vote my pocketbook, it's Trump. If I vote my emotions, it's Hillary. If I vote my anger, it's Cruz..."

Elections in the USA

Pollster

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

Pickle

Desk of Public Opinion Polls has 'In' box 'Out' box and 'Undecided'.

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

The US election is over.

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

"I don't have any opinions, and my wife things whatever Oprah thinks,."

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

election polling