Politics Pun Lovers Pillows

"Just kidding, dear viewers. The non-existent opposition has NOT won the election...."

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

"I beg your pardon," said Alice, "but which of you is the Democrat?"

Rattache

Cake News: Britain Desserts EU

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

"We're not a school. We're a political action committee!"

'Yes, he plans to accept his party's nomination but first I have to accept his apology.'

Fresh Blood In Politics

It's not a stampede … It's a flash mob!

"Your four-o'clock is here."

"Implications of Reaganism."

'Very good, but not quite 'presidential vision'.'

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'

That's not what they mean when they say that Dick Cheney knows where all the bones are buried.

"A lot of voter's will be floating today."

'I can't come out and play because I'm in 'Time-Out.' Although here at Grandma's it's more like 'Time-Out Lite.' '

"You want mechanical engineering down the hall. This is maniacal engineering."

"Oh, that's right next year is an election year..."

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

"Ugh...I hate tailgators."

"Are you a blowfish, or did you just hold a sneeze?"

"We're looking for a solution to Brexit. If Mrs Mggins doesn't come up with anything we have Harold sacrificing a goat to Woden next door."

'The nation is evenly divided again...the red states, Atkins Diet...the blue states, South Beach.'

Four More More Years

'He was a lifelong knee-jerk liberal until he got knee replacement surgery.'

'There's a gentleman here for a cleaning, Doctor. It's unclear whose.'

'And when they were only half the way up they were neither up nor down!'

"Read my lips!"

Nanny State at the UN

OBAMA, 'Because left is the new right!'

Credibility

Whosoever pulls this sword from the stone shalt become king. Sure, but it's a lot better than going through months of primaries and caucuses!