Politically Opinionated Uncle Pillows

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'Save us!'

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

Dog traps the postman.

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

"Hang on - I'm not as young as I used to be. . .!"

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

Nancy Drew Mysteries - The Later Years

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"I'm feeling like there's a 'good boy' on this side of the room."

"Yes, we're supposed to sing, but not Rap!"

'Y'know it started as a bedtime story he told his kids.'

You need a new reading light

"Let's try one with your hand tucked into your shirt."

Pianist.

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

"Russia's always bigger than you think."

'I'd say that was just the thing to wear on a visit to an 80-year old uncle in Texas who's going to leave you five million dollars.'

"'Golden' years, my a**...."

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."

President Grant's Civil Service Reform is not to the Taste of Either Party, despite Professed Enthusiasm

'What d'you mean-you THINK you've seen this before-you've seen EVERYTHING before!'

'I realize it's not much of a war, but it's all we can afford right now.'

Little known fact #244: Cholera was not the #1 cause of death for children on the Oregon Trail