Political Peanuts Gifts

"It doesn't really matter who wins the next election, as long as we can keep consuming whatever we want."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

British savings accounts

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

"Don’t worry, this guy is totally cool. Just don’t mention the Red Baron."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

"I beg your pardon," said Alice, "but which of you is the Democrat?"

Rattache

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

Cake News: Britain Desserts EU

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

"We're not a school. We're a political action committee!"

Fresh Blood In Politics

'Yes, he plans to accept his party's nomination but first I have to accept his apology.'

"Just because you're retired doesn't mean you get to sit around all day drinking beer and eating peanuts...!"

"You've placed me in a difficult position here, Malcolm."

"I feel that I've been given a unique opportunity to speak out on the issues."

'We know it's your dream, son. But stay in school. Get your degree. Don't pin all your hopes on a major league career.'

'Mr. President, you have a phone call. It's the First Hen.'

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

I wonder who's Kissinger now?

'Very good, but not quite 'presidential vision'.'

On - Undecided - Off switch

Political Science

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'