Political Moderate Gifts

If You Can't Join Them, Be Them

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Now that's a win."

Conservative Leadership Renounces Protectionism

Autocensure

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

How Do You Take Your Evil?

Highlights from the Million Moderate March

The Good News about Michael Bloomberg Is That He Won't Bug You

Everyone Could See the US Would Collapse

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

"Q3, If you had to live on �381 per month, would you a)laugh b)cry c)both"

The World Map According to Donald Trump.

"What's the big deal? All these politicians talk about a health care plan! I have a health care plan!"

I'm not going to vote because there aren't any televised debates. What? Debates are pretty much the only good thing about election season. You get to watch the politicians hate each other in person. And you get to watch the panic in their eyes when they mess up an answer and realize they've just ruined their entire political career. If they're not gonna bother entertaining me, why should I bother giving them my vote? I love casting ballots. Any opportunity to flex is worthwhile.

John is a moderating influence so we like to filter our proposals through his head

"Your online comment meets the offence of serious insult. The 13 spelling mistakes in the 17 words of your comment constitutes a crime against the English language!"

Hey! Who left all these weapons lying around!?

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

Sorry, coach. My mom says the other football pants are "too revealing."

"If you want to be an effective TV-debater, not pulverising your opponent would be a big step forward!"

"Brian did have some things to say but they have since been removed by the moderators."

"More like 95% off!"

"All I'm saying is that family values are really important to all of us. For example...I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. You?"

Change We Need

The White House tries one of those backdrops for the state of the union.

"Hi, I'm your moderator and it's my job today to keep your meeting interesting!"

"I hope we have whatever it is we may or may not still be allowed to call Indian summer."

Debating Society. A rising tide lifts all boats. Moderator. That's a nice way of saying "sink or swim"!

'I drank this stuff called 'extreme energy' and I stayed awake for two hours. Two hours, Clarence!'

"That would be in Aisle Six, the worried-well section."

Trump In Denial

'Call me anti-social if you want. The pants stay on.'

'I see they've found a chap to clean up the track - so why not the country's streets, roads and lanes?'