Politeness Pundits Gifts

'Hey, c'mon, I wanna hear ya say 'Have a nice day'...

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

Skeptic Tank.

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

National Living Wage from April 1st.

The Secret Sauce of American Exceptionalism

'Bedtime stories at the Browns'.'

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

How Trickle Down Economics Work

The merger hits a snag.

We can safely tell the Grand Jury your campaign money isn't soft, it's al dente.

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

New Year 2020

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

Cat holds sign that says 'come over here', dog holds a sign that says 'how?'

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

World Health Organization

'According to the blood tests, x-rays and EKG... You're fat.'

"What do you mean, we don't have an 'exit strategy'?!"

'Time manager'

'The trouble is not with your set -- the station just got hit with a new batch of politically correct Federal regulations.'

Avoid talking about personal and domestic issues at interviews, unless asked.

"There's more to basketball than winning. There's also telling China to back off in Hong Kong."

Voter Suppression

"So we're agreed then - there's no need to make any changes to our equal opportunities employment policies."

'Sharks have to keep moving to survive, you say?', 'Yep - They're nature's politicians.'

'No. I insist. You first.'

Before the Fall

'I'm beginning to think that you're WILLFULLY apathetic!'

'No... you first.'