Politeness Perfectionist Pillows

Impasse in the corridor of the National Society of Common Courtesy.

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

Dating an English Major

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

Surreal ale

Ironing Punctuation

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

Office Ergonomics.

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

Golf lessons

'Not that slowly back...'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'