Politeness Perfectionist Pillows

Impasse in the corridor of the National Society of Common Courtesy.

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

Dating an English Major

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

Job Interview Gone Bad.

Surreal ale

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

Ironing Punctuation

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

Office Ergonomics.

I have taken over Sarahs body!

Golf lessons

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'Not that slowly back...'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”