Polarized Perfectionist Pillows

'Hey, Birdbrain, does the word ozone mean anything to you?'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'I'm not too sure about that.'

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Mum and the Sleepless Baby

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

My child is a genius.

Lessons from the Blakely Art School (Now Defunct)

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

Perfection

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

"Not to alarm you, but the other newborns are already ahead."

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"You're welcome."

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'He's researching out-of-state kindergartens.'

"Hush, little baby, don’t you cry ... ever."

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

Santa's Out Tray.

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

Chris felt that, with diligence, he could teach Jack to hit a 1-iron by 11 months.

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

Desk trays - 'Do it' and 'Do it right this time'.

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

"Page 33, line 4..."

Parental Anxiety