Patience Perfectionist Pillows

"Cooling off period? I'm so cold I'll probably never use your services again!"

Bullseye!

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"I think you might need to start again."

"I think we should try something a little simpler."

"We find it as long as you manage the inputs, the outputs will look after themselves."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'The project is a little behind schedule. It was proactive, now it's retroactive.'

'Then it's settled. We'll make 7 million with blue handles, 5 million with red handles, 4 million with purple handles and 2 million with green handles.'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

Man looking at watch while a cuckoo comes out of his head

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

'Am I the first one here?'

Perfection

"Always faithful to arrive early and, of course, get the dibs on the jelly doughnuts."

'I'm ready! You ready?...You ready?'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

"I'm afriad we had to cancel the 'perfect planning ' seminar. We forgot to book the hotel until it was to late and the speaker we hoped to use died in 1958."

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'Daft title. How could you have 'backward' planning?'

'He's a real stickler for punctuality. He got really annoyed when I was late for an appointment, next week.'

'Regarding our deadline - have we moved to long-range planning or still stuck in short-term excuses?'

'You should have ordered one. This is the only one left in the shop!'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

"I think my Harry must be practicing some sort of Tantric fishing. He'll be at it for hours and not catch a thing."

"You're welcome."

Snail crossing

Women

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'