Polite Decliners Pillows

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

The merger hits a snag.

'Say, please.'

Politeness opens doors

'According to the blood tests, x-rays and EKG... You're fat.'

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

A gentleman giving some children a lesson in manners

A Louis Auchincloss-Type Law firm

"What? Tiny houses are all the rage."

Victorians playing croquet.

'I certainly phoned SOMEBODY and said, honey, I'm bringing home a guest for dinner!'

'No. I insist. You first.'

'After you' said Miss Manners. 'Oh you first' insisted Mrs Etiquette.

"All you had to do was ASK us to leave!"

'Don't forget to say 'pretty please'.'

"Well, it looks like it's just me left to get toasted. Have a great day!"

"You're very courteous for a hog"

Miss Manners: Inappropriate and Appropriate.

Policeman and cab tout,

Man attempts to be rid of girl's father so he can be with her

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

Guard asking whether a girl is young enough for a half price ticket

'For you information, hymns are meant to be sung, not whistled.'

Gentleman whale.

"Welcome to hell. The only thing you're allowed to watch down here is politics."

'Timmy has to think of five 'random acts of kindness' to do each day this week, for school.'

'Bless you.'

Not to do list - Vote.

My cell phone minutes don't roll over and I don't want to waste them. That's why I'm dialling random numbers and wishing everyone a good day.