Policy Punster Gifts

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

Jungle Insurance Co. But the benefits don

'GESUNDHEIT, EVERYBODY!', 'That's his idea of universal health care.'

'The HR department has struggled to come up with a staff protection scheme that fits within our budget.'

My, my, we're justs a little overprotective of our propriety knowledge, aren't we?

'He has a nerve holding me to the truth. It's an election year, for heaven's sake!'

David won't be in today. He's been in an accident. Did he give notice?

''Bushnomics' isn't a catchy name. I suggest you change it to 'Googlenomics'.'

British savings accounts

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

Politically Correct Snowperson

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

Dogs life

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

"We're a pharmaceutical company. We should be getting 'pharm' subsidies."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

"He, Igor? Who are we to play God with its gender pronouns?"

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

I wonder who's Kissinger now?

'I think therefore I ham.'

"You've placed me in a difficult position here, Malcolm."