Poker Table Storyteller Gifts

"I say this as a friend, Tom...we always know when you're bluffing!"

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

Horror Stories.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Early accounting scandals.

Hot pot

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

Maestro

Sailor boy

Don Pasquale

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

Lute

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

"Ding dong means the witch is dead. Ding ding means dinner is ready."

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

Preserved

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

"Woke up this morning, forgot my apple id..."

'Tech stocks tumbled on news that Alan Greenspan's computer was down.'

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...