Plumbing Wizard Gifts

"Neglected, his body slowly deteriorated until suddenly, he bursts open, innards flooding the floor."

Plants Cheer as They Get Watered.

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

'You can't come in here with that.'

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'Calm down...it's probably just another mirage.'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

'No it's still not fixed'

Start the session by doing something unusual.

'I think I set the security level, on my anti virus software, too high. Whenever I access anything it is automatically deleted.'

CONGRATULATIONS On an awesome swim

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

I got the raise

Man gets round hosepipe ban by showering in the garden

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

'Boat Launch'

"I'd like you to consider some of our exciting career opportunities working for anyone else but me."

'Ah, here's your problem - all this spaghetti is real spaghetti.'

We built your beds, planted, mulched and set up your watering system. Nice work! Here's your check. Thanks! I love gardening. Me, too!

"Oh god, here she comes again, insisting she's helping."

'Listen to this: Each drop of water we drink may have once been in a glacier, Attila the Hun's stew, Mike Tyson's sweat, Liberace's bathwater, drool from a...'

"Goodbye, masked consultant. And thanks for reducing our inefficiencies."

"As you insist everything must be in triplicate, meet my new secretaries."

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

'My phone's been tapped!'

"Sparkling, Still, or Gushing?"

"And this is the ultimate in low-flush toilets!"

'Since we programmed all of Sousa's marches into their IPOD's, production is up 27%.'

He crash tests software.

"I'm afraid your bath is directly connected to the melting polar ice caps."

'Thrower here has always been one to push the envelope.'