Plot Ponderer T-Shirts

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

Film critic critics

Stage one...scratch heads... one and two and...'

"Now what?"

"And so on and so forth..."

Mega Studios. Ideas for new movies dept. Stop goofing off and watch some television!

Publishing Co. It's a great story, Mr. Andersen, but perhaps calling it "The Emperor's Nude Clothes" gives away too much.

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

'Jim has writer's block, which we're all grateful for.'

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Shakespeare was bisexual

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

Max Weber

It'll never work - you're LED and I'm plasma.

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Planetary Science. What do we call the study of gas giants in space? Gastronomy.

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'I love your poetry, m'dear - it's very Ezra Poundish.'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

I see

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?