Plot Ponderer Gifts

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

Film critic critics

Stage one...scratch heads... one and two and...'

"Now what?"

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

'Jim has writer's block, which we're all grateful for.'

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Shakespeare was bisexual

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

"I appreciate you have a real passion for music Mr Hibberd. . . but I can see you're going to struggle with the piano."

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

Caption Contest TK

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'I love your poetry, m'dear - it's very Ezra Poundish.'

"Apparently, over two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water!"

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

Ode to Nature.

"You're right! It is much easier to explain it this way!"

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"