Playful Protector Gifts

A Hole in the Dike

"Of course I'm allowed to jump on the bed as long as I'm wearing my bed-jumping helmet."

It's for you.

"For heaven's sake, Harry. There's no need to go into a death roll to protect your remote every time someone enters the room."

"Stop annoying my pooch!"

Ice Cream Surgeon

Child protects planet with umbrella.

Mixed Doubles.

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

Holding hands

"Where the wild things were."

"I see you've security marked your property."

Advanced footsie

Your spirit animal is a balloon poodle? My spirit animal is a balloon poodle!

"I'm so glad we enjoy the same style foreplay."

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

Teddy bear being taken to hospital.

'Stamp collecting has gotten more competitive.'

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

Who'd have guessed that the season's mast have item would be big springy shoes.

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

"I'm not so sure I can handle this."

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

You are simply the Greatest

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

'I told you that 2 month old balonie was cursed!'

'So this is what you do while I'm away,'

'Yes, I can come out and play. My webcam, iPod and videophone are grounded.'

"I know this is going to sound completely crazy and off the wall - but do you, by any chance, know how to iron?"