Playful Conniver T-Shirts

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

Polar bear bowling alley

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

"I'm pretty sure my self-driving car is moonlighting for Uber behind my back."

Mice Cream

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

"I'm not so sure I can handle this."

The Fall from Pisa

Fat Kid 28- Discovers his feminine side

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

Jumble Sale

'That was nice of them to order us a new scratching post!'

"This looks intersting. Three bedrooms, two and a half scratching posts..."

The balance of power shifted when sparky figured out how to use the laser pointer.

"I thought you might like to hear how my love-making sounded when I was a younger man."

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

Murdered man spells out his murderer in alphabet soup.

'Take that off, Fuller. You're scaring the hell out of everyone!'

'I know you're at home, Oog -- I can see your feet!'

'I'll put one end of the hose in your pool...you take the other end outside...gravity will create a siphon and drain the water with no mess.'

'Pluck me.'

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

"Congratulations. I just need your initials here."

Introvert-in-a-Box

"Must you go 'beep beep beep' every time you back up?"

'It's not safe the way it is. It could fall on someone.'

You stink at Halo 5. I have no thumbs!

Practical Jokes Doctors Can't Do

Trick of Treat

'Too small for Santa I'm afraid-but with a fishing rod you would be a WOW in our roof garden!'