Playful Conniver Gifts

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

Mice Cream

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

"I'm not so sure I can handle this."

Fat Kid 28- Discovers his feminine side

The Fall from Pisa

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'

Jumble Sale

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"This looks intersting. Three bedrooms, two and a half scratching posts..."

The balance of power shifted when sparky figured out how to use the laser pointer.

"I thought you might like to hear how my love-making sounded when I was a younger man."

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

Murdered man spells out his murderer in alphabet soup.

'Take that off, Fuller. You're scaring the hell out of everyone!'

'I'll put one end of the hose in your pool...you take the other end outside...gravity will create a siphon and drain the water with no mess.'

'I know you're at home, Oog -- I can see your feet!'

'Pluck me.'

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

Introvert-in-a-Box

"Congratulations. I just need your initials here."

'Too small for Santa I'm afraid-but with a fishing rod you would be a WOW in our roof garden!'

'It's not safe the way it is. It could fall on someone.'

'You don't either have a date with Dora the Explorer!'

'Can I call you back, I'm chasing a car.'

Practical Jokes Doctors Can't Do